Parenting Teens Wisely

Do you worry about your teen’s well-being?

Do things that once helped your child no longer work?

Do you react to your teen in ways you regret?

Do you get angry and resentful and then feel guilty about it?

Do you find yourself sometimes feeling loving and patient then other times feeling angry and in despair?

Your once sweet child has reached adolescence. You may see them establishing patterns of coping (avoiding, defying authority, shutting down emotionally, isolating, engaging in self-harming behaviors) which can follow them into adulthood and interfere with their ability to live their best life.

Parents are concerned.

You're Not Alone

Many teens feel emotions intensely. And because they lack the ability to navigate their emotions, they often resort to behaviors to deal. Substance use, avoidance, promiscuity, defiance is often a teen’s unskillful way of dealing with their distress.

When my own teen began experiencing problems, I did what so many parents do, I tried to fix the problem. But what I noticed was that the more I tried to be helpful, the more I tried to fix things, the more my teen retreated. And the more my teen retreated, the harder I tried. For a time, things worsened.

This is common. A teen’s behavior can set off all sorts of impulses in a parent. My impulse was to fix. Parents can also have impulses to manage things, to make things better, or to yell and get angry. These natural parental impulses which can feel so strong and seem so right, can unknowingly make things worse. For example, giving into an impulse to fix things can create more distress for a teen and leave them feeling incapable. Trying to make things better can sometimes feel invalidating to a teen. Getting angry can create feelings of resentment and sabotage the parent-child relationship.

Learn more about my story

What is Parenting Teens Wisely?

After over two decades as an adolescent therapist and after raising three kids, I now know a different way and it first starts with ensuring your own well-being.

While this approach can seem counterintuitive, it’s actually very powerful. For instance, when parents take a step back and ensure their own well-being first, they have an easier time maintaining calm which helps to promote a teen’s calm. They are less likely to spiral into negative and anxious thinking, enabling them to think more clearly and respond more effectively. They can see what’s positive, understand things from their teen’s perspective and are less likely to give into judgments which helps to promote problem solving and affect a more positive relationship with their teen. And finally, parents who first ensure their own well-being, experience greater emotional resilience and role model healthy skills for their teens.

Parenting teens wisely isn’t some magic formula. It doesn’t work overnight.

Instead, it is a way of responding that helps a teen learn to navigate their intense emotions.

Over and over, parents share with me how their teen responds more positively, how they feel more confident in their parenting, and how they experience more connection with their teen.

This is exactly what drives my work. I believe that when parents make a commitment to parent wisely, teens have a better chance of living their best life.

Here is what our clients are saying.