MY TEEN IS SO NEGATIVE

Some teens seem to see everything so negatively. 

• That teacher is stupid.

• I’ll never pass the exam.

• Everyone hates me.

• No one understands.

• What is the meaning of life anyway?

• School is a waste of time.

This tendency toward negative thinking can become habitual, create emotional distress (if you think negatively then you are more likely to feel negatively), and interfere with a person’s ability to live their best life.

It’s tempting to respond to your teen’s negativity by helping them see things a different way or telling them about the benefits of positive thinking. 

While these responses may help some teens, many teens become even more determined that what they’re thinking is true and often accuse you of not understanding.

There’s another, more effective way for responding to a teen’s negative thinking.

Tip #1

Often, complaints and negative statements are a reflection of someone’s emotions. In other words, when a teen complains about peers they may be struggling with all sorts of confusing emotions – envy, insecurity, worry. Rather than reacting to the complaint, respond to the emotion, you seem really upset. Is there anything that I can do to help? Or that sounds confusing. Is there anything that you need? This accepting response from a parent helps a teen feel better so that they think more clearly and deal more effectively.  

Tip #2 

Asking the question, how do you want to handle this, gives a teen the message that you accept them and believe in them. It’s important that teens learn to respond to an emotion rather than reacting to or escaping an emotion which only makes things worse.

Tip #3 

Model healthy thinking rather than instructing healthy thinking. Teens pay more attention to what they see and less attention to what they’re told to do. Parents can help a teen cultivate healthy thinking skills when they themselves practice healthy thinking skills. For more information about healthy thinking, check out this helpful website. When parents make an intention to practice these skills to ensure their own emotional well-being, teens benefit. 

Tip #4 

Do things to promote a sense of well-being. Practice gratitude, cultivate supportive relationships, and participate in activities that you enjoy. This increases anyone’s capacity to see things more clearly, respond more effectively and problem solve more creatively, essential ingredients for parenting a teen. 

Teens are challenging and at the same time they have a tremendous amount of potential.