SKILLS THAT EVERY TEEN SHOULD KNOW

Many teens are at the mercy of their emotions. If everything is going okay, then they’re okay. 

But what happens when there are challenges? What happens if they just aren’t in the mood?

Developing effective skills for living can help teens learn to be in charge of their emotions rather than their emotions being in charge of them which gives them the best chance for living to their potential. 

How can parents help? Everyone knows that teens don’t always listen to our very wise advice. 

So, instead of telling them what to do, model these skills. 

And, if they’re in the mood, share with your teen how these skills have helped you. 

Do one thing every day that you don’t want to do. Avoidance or procrastination is one of the most common ways people avoid distress. Put something off until tomorrow and whew, instant relief. Of course, as adults we know from experience that this can make you feel worse. Instead of waiting until you feel like it, make a commitment to do one thing every day that you don’t want to do. It’s a habit that reduces patterns of avoidance and procrastination. Putting something off or avoiding might give temporary relief. But accomplishment, checking things off your list feels so much better. 

Praise yourself. It’s way too common for people to notice what’s negative and then criticize or judge themselves. Many folks think this is somehow going to improve their performance. It doesn’t. In fact, it has the opposite effect since beating up on or criticizing ourselves can contribute to feelings of depression, lack of motivation, decrease in energy, and a negative sense of self. A much more powerful way to increase desired behavior is to praise yourself. Ohmigosh. Look at what I did – I’m so proud of myself. And even when you didn’t fare as well as you wanted, nice effort, way to go.  Not only does this increase the chances that you will continue with a desired behavior, but it does wonders for your peace of mind. And we can all benefit from that.

Do one thing at a time. We live in a culture that perpetuates an almost incessant urge to think ahead and plan. I’ve met young teens who agonize over how they’ll manage to pay taxes once they become adults and yet they have a school project they’ve yet to start and it’s due in a week. This constant forward thinking can create paralyzing anxiety for some teens. Focusing on one thing at a time reduces anxiety and improves effectiveness. When we do it daily, we create a wonderfully effective skill for living. When you find yourself looking ahead, stop. Take a breath. One thing at a time. One day at a time.  

Stop…when emotions are high. When emotions are high it is not the time to discuss a problem or to make a decision or to resolve a conflict. In fact, it’s the worst time. People are less likely to think rationally when emotions are high. Train yourself to stop instead. Go for a run, drink some cold water, get outside. And if it’s late, go to bed. Once the distress has subsided, THEN you can think more clearly and handle a situation more effectively.

Learn to problem solve. Feeling overwhelmed? Stressed? Confused? Angered? Sometimes there are situations that are impossible to solve. But if it’s a situation that you have the capacity to change, then problem solve with the following steps: identify the problem, define the goal, brainstorm all the possible solutions, execute your plan of action, then evaluate.