CULTIVATING BALANCE FOR WISE PARENTING

Do you sometimes experience confidence in your parenting and other times suspect that you’re doing it all wrong? 

Do you vacillate between great patience to intolerable irritability? 

Are you impacted by your teen’s emotions? You’re fine as long as they’re fine.  

While inconsistency is normal, it can cause problems when things go to extremes. 

Balance helps parents respond more effectively. For instance, when parents experience balance they:

• Maintain balanced expectations

• Respond wisely rather than react emotionally

• Notice skillful behavior and let their teen know

• Know what to let go of

• Speak rationally 

• Problem solve effectively 

Here are some tips for cultivating more balance in your life and in your parenting.

1. Accept the fact everything is in flux. 

Sometimes you have energy and sometimes you don’t. 

Sometimes you’re motivated and other times not so much. 

Resisting or fighting inconsistency can lead to an increase in extremes. Recognizing and accepting this normal part of life helps. When you notice imbalance, give yourself grace. 

Yesterday I was so patient and today I feel irritable. I’m not feeling so motivated today and that is alright.  

Give yourself grace, accept your inconsistencies, and you’ll likely discover greater balance.

2. Let go of extreme words. 

Words like always and never can impact your emotions which impacts your parenting. For example:

• My teen never takes out the garbage vs. my teen sometimes remembers to do things and other times he forgets.

• He is always on his phone vs. sometimes he’s on his phone and sometimes he’s not.

Restore some peace to your life. Replace extreme words with the more balanced word:  sometimes. 

3. Give up the unachievable goal of perfection. 

When you seek perfection, you are more apt to notice what’s wrong. This impacts your mood and interferes with your ability to maintain balance. Make a commitment to focus on learning, letting go of judgments, and being present. Not only does this restore balance but it results in greater effectiveness. 

4. Notice contrasting emotions. 

Sometimes emotions can feel intense. Identifying a contrasting emotion reduces intensity and helps to restore emotional balance. Recognize that you can have sadness and you can also have gratitude. You can have irritability and you can also have compassion. You can be afraid, and you can also be brave. 

5. Search for the good. 

It’s normal to pay more attention to what’s negative. Humans’ brains are wired this way for survival. But this tendency to notice the negative can have a negative impact on parenting. Make a daily ritual to notice what’s good. Consider keeping a gratitude journal. Notice what’s good in yourself, in others, and in your teen. 

6. Find the silver lining. 

Every challenge grants us an opportunity to learn. When your teen is struggling, rather than getting mired in their distress which will contribute to theirs, remind yourself that out of adversity comes victory. 

7. Slow down. 

Rushing around and multi-tasking increases stress and anxiety. For more balanced parenting, make an intention to slow down. You might not think you can actually slow down but you can slow down your breathing and you can stay focused on doing one thing at a time. Model this incredibly effective strategy and enjoy more peace and greater joy. Your teens will thank you.