HELP! MY TEEN IS ALWAYS IN A BAD MOOD

How to Help a Teen Navigate Emotions 

Your once sweet child is now a teen and may be grumpy and sullen and difficult to be around.

I believe that every teen has potential. But unless they learn how to navigate their confusing emotions, they are at risk for developing patterns of coping which can interfere with their ability to live a joyful and effective life.  

Here are six things that parents should know about teens and emotions.

Emotions are confusing. It’s common for teens to not know why they’re feeling what they’re feeling. No wonder they’re grumpy and sullen. Let them know that emotions are confusing sometimes. When you normalize a teen's experience it can be helpful. Just like when your good friend normalizes you, Oh, no wonder you feel like that. Suddenly you feel a ton better. And now you can think more clearly.

Emotions can be intense. This is true for sensitive teens – they feel things more intensely. It’s why sad can register as depression. Worry or discomfort can feel like anxiety. Embarrassed feels like shame. Confused feels like panic. No wonder sensitive people try to escape emotions. Finding an activity, like writing, running, music, painting, theater, not only gives teens an outlet for their emotions but it does wonders for their sense of self. 

Emotions can be affected by physical health. It helps teens understand that illness, hormones, hunger, or fatigue makes them more vulnerable to negative emotions. Giving teens information about their emotions and normalizing their experience of emotions helps, No wonder you feel so bad, you’ve been sick. Encourage strategies to ensure good physical health. For instance, turning off devices at bedtime to ensure good sleep, getting outdoors, eating nourishing food. Good physical health promotes good emotional health.

Emotions can interfere with thinking. You cannot rely on your thinking when emotions are intense. It’s as if your brain goes offline. Teens need to know that sitting around and thinking when they’re in distress can make things worse. Participating, getting active, thinking of someone else can help pull someone out of a negative mood.

Every emotion has an urge. When teens experience negative emotions, they can experience an urge to escape or avoid. For instance, they may want to stay in bed when they’re sad. They may want to play video games when they feel overwhelmed with schoolwork. It helps when they understand that these urges (to avoid, escape) might give relief in the short term but in the long term can make them feel worse. Teach them to do the right thing rather than giving into an urge. Validate their emotions and encourage right behavior.  

Emotions give us information. It’s tempting for parents to respond to their teen’s emotions with, Oh honey, you shouldn’t feel that way or Why in the world are you worried about that? Understand that emotions are meant to give information. For instance, anger might be a sign someone needs to set a boundary. Confused might be a sign someone needs to ask for help. But emotions can be intense for teens and they might not even know what they’re feeling. Parents can help by staying calm, being present. Modeling this response helps teens to learn how to do this for themselves and promotes their ability to respond to emotions more skillfully.

One final note. Teens have a hard time navigating their emotions. Similarly, parents have a hard time navigating their own emotions about their teens. Teens are best helped when parents first practice these skills themselves. So, normalize your own emotions, find outlets for your emotions, ensure that you are practicing good physical health, recognize when your thinking goes offline, do the right thing rather than automatically giving into an urge, and practice presence.