INSTILLING PEACE FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY

Any parent who has a complicated teen knows the profound stress that a teen’s emotions and behaviors can create for the entire family.  

In honor of National Family Day, which is September 26, here are some ways to instill some peace for yourself, your teen, and for your family.

Be good to yourself

Wise parenting starts with first taking care of yourself. Join an exercise class. Schedule a date night. Arrange lunch with a friend each week. Try something you’ve always been interested in. Or rediscover those things that you used to enjoy. Carve out time each day to do something that inspires you. Let go of anything that isn’t serving you – like staying up too late in the evening or engaging in conversations that leave you feeling drained.

When parents make a commitment to care for themselves, they find they have the emotional resources to respond effectively to their teen.

One excellent way to be good to yourself is practicing self-compassion. Check out this website for more information on this practice. 

Be mindful of your own needs

I knew a father who was committed not to be like his own father. So, sticking to his commitment, he did not respond to his daughter when she yelled at him. Her behavior escalated. Finally, mindful of his own needs, he responded to her disrespect by saying firmly and respectfully, “That’s enough. Say that in a kinder way.”

It’s important to be mindful of your own needs in order to respond effectively to your teen's emotions and behaviors. 

Another parent I know, learned as a child that pleasing everyone around her earned her a lot of praise. Recognizing how irritable she felt, she learned to be mindful of her own needs. When she felt overwhelmed, she saw it as a sign to practice self-care. When she felt resentful, she saw it as a sign to set a limit.

As the popular saying goes – you can’t pour from an empty cup. Ensuring a peaceful home environment means giving to others and being mindful of your own needs. 

Practice respect

Let’s be honest. Others can sometimes bring out the worst in us.

Showing others respect – treating others the way you want to be treated – is a way to promote your own sense of self-respect. It sometimes feels easier giving into your emotions of irritability or frustration when parenting a complicated teen. But when you make the effort to practice respect, you benefit. And others around you benefit.

Try it today. Practice respect at work, in public, and at home. Even when you don’t feel like it. And notice how you feel.

Show interest

Parenting a complicated teen can strain a parent child relationship. Showing interest in others positively impacts you and your relationships. It also contributes to a more harmonious home environment.

A woman recently shared with me that she made the decision to show interest in her son by joining him every Wednesday night to watch his favorite hour-long mystery show. She didn’t like the show, but she was committed to improving the relationship. She never brought up anything about his homework or the fact that he was wearing dirty socks or that she wished he watched something more intellectually stimulating. She stayed focused on her goal of showing interest.

It’s now their Wednesday night ritual.

Having a complicated teen can create a strain in the relationship. Finding ways to show interest promotes a more harmonious relationship and a more peaceful home environment.

What's one thing your child does that you can show an interest?

Let go of perfection. Be present.

Aspiring for the impossibility of perfection can create anxiety.  Basing your self-worth on perfection can create suffering.  

And if perfection is a family’s aim, then everyone is at risk for suffering.

Trying to achieve the impossible, many people turn to avoidance and procrastination to cope.

Want to experience some peace? Let go of perfection and seek to live in the present.

Make a daily intention to be in the moment as you move through the day – folding towels, weeding the garden, washing the dishes, opening the blinds, or sipping your morning coffee.

The research is clear – people are more productive and effective when they practice presence.

Having a mindfulness practice is a way to cultivate presence. Check out our resource on mindfulness.