SEVEN WAYS THAT YOGA CAN PROMOTE WISE PARENTING

September is National Yoga Month. About 18 years ago, dissatisfied with how irritable and unhealthy I felt, I decided to try yoga because I’d read about the positive advantages. Since that time, I’ve maintained a regular practice because of the emotional and physical benefits that I’ve experienced. But what I appreciate most of all is the positive impact my yoga practice has had on others around me. 

1. Practice healthy habits. When I started yoga, it was nearly impossible for me to hold a yoga pose. One morning, exhausted, out of breath and falling out of a crow pose, I realized that eating too many chocolate chip cookies or drinking too much wine the night before was interfering with my practice. The more I focused on my goal to live healthfully, the less the unhealthy foods and behaviors appealed to me. My desperation to change was what kept me motivated and what enabled me to eventually let go of unhealthy foods and unhealthy habits.  

Not only is it difficult to hold a yoga pose when physically unhealthy, it’s hard to respond to a complicated teen when physically unhealthy. Eating too much, drinking excessively (or for some, drinking at all), inadequate sleep, overworking, avoiding addressing issues that are bothering us – all these things make parents more emotionally vulnerable. When parents are emotionally vulnerable, they’re more likely to react, and less likely to respond effectively to their teen.

Interested in learning more about the benefits of yoga? Cyndi Lee’s Yoga Body, Buddha Mind was the book that inspired me. 

2. Breathe. Several years ago, huffing and puffing my way through a challenging, one-hour vinyasa session, it occurred to me that muscling and forcing my way through a yoga practice was making everything more challenging. But breathing my way through a practice felt easier. In yoga, I remember to focus on my breathing for a more effective, satisfying practice.    

Same with parenting. When parents try to force things, they lose effectiveness. Parents are more effective when they breathe through challenges rather than force their way through challenges. When parents focus on their breathing, they’re more likely to access their wisdom. They know to stay focused on the moment, to slow down and listen more closely. They’re also more likely to speak with compassion and to see what’s right rather than get caught up in what they judge as wrong. So, breathe rather than muscle your way through a day.

Want to learn more about mindfulness? Mindful.org is a good resource. 

3. Do what works. Most mornings I do a yoga practice. And most mornings I have an urge to sit on the couch and drink coffee instead. I’ve learned to go to the mat even though I might not want to. During a yoga session, I sometimes notice an urge to sink into child’s pose and instead I breathe my way through another chaturanga. I feel an urge to check the clock or start planning my grocery list and instead I return my focus to the pose, to the moment.  

Wise parenting requires parents to do the same thing. Parents might have an urge to criticize, spiral into negative thinking, give into their teen’s demands, attack, or give up. Instead, they do what works. They notice what’s right instead of criticizing. They stay present instead of spiraling into negative thinking. They stick to a limit even though it would be much easier giving in. They speak with compassion rather than with sarcasm. They do those things that line up with their goal even when they don’t want to.

Yoga helps me practice doing what works. After coffee most mornings, this is my yoga practice. 

4. Soften your face. I was surprised at how irritable I felt one recent morning during a yoga practice. I softened the tension in my face and not surprisingly, I felt better.  

Softening the tension in your face helps with a yoga practice and it also helps with parenting. Parenting can make parents tense and sensitive kids pick up on this. So, try softening the tension in your face and see what happens to your mood and notice how this impacts others around you.

Glo and Gaia offer online classes and other resources for those who want to practice at home.  

5. Let go of judgments. When I first started yoga, I judged myself compared to the yogi next to me. I judged my poses, my efforts, how I felt, and what I labeled as slow progress. Fortunately, for an easier and more satisfying practice, I’ve learned to let go of judgments.

Judgments lead to negative emotions which directly impact the way parents interact with their teen. Many teens are exquisitely sensitive, and they can pick up on your judgments even though you might not say anything out loud. And know this – if teens hear their parent judging someone else, they suspect everyone is judging them. Avoid contributing to their emotional distress and to your emotional distress. Next time you judge, see if you can substitute kindness or curiosity.

Interested in some free yoga classes? Check out Yoga with Adriene. 

6. Find balance. When I first started a yoga practice, I aspired to do an hour session every day. It was like some rule for myself that I thought would somehow make me better. That rule didn’t work for me. I’ve learned since then to practice balance. Some days my practice is ten sun salutations. And some days it’s a one-hour vinyasa practice. 

In parenting, as with many things, it’s typical to go from one extreme to the other. Either an hour-long yoga session or nothing. Super patient and loving or grumpy and irritable. Overly lenient or overly authoritarian. But wise parenting is in the middle. It’s balanced. Set a limit and do it with compassion. Adhere to rules and stay flexible. Feel scared and be brave.

Yoga promotes balance. The Sevenfold Journey provides a step-by-step approach for achieving balance. 

7. Tune in to your body for helpful information. In yoga being aware of my body helps me practice more effectively. For instance, I need to be aware of my body to hold a pose or to prevent an injury. Because of the increased awareness of my body, I’m more aware of emotions. This doesn’t surprise me since emotions show up in our bodies.

It's essential for parents to be aware of emotions since emotions give information. Anger can provide information about the need to set a limit or establish a boundary. Irritability might be a sign to practice more self-care. Confused may be an indication to seek advice or to problem solve for clarity.

Yoga is a discipline not only for the body but also for the mind and Rolf Gates’ Meditations from the Mat: Daily Reflections on the Path of Yoga is a wonderful illustration of this. 

Just like yoga, Wise Parenting is a practice. Over and over, we practice healthy habits, breathe through the challenges, do what works, soften our face, let go of judgments, find balance, and tune into our bodies for helpful information. Some days can feel more challenging. And some days we look up and see the positive results of our practice.